sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
