For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
