I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
