First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
