Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
