My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
