Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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