Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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