Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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