Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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