Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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