Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
