My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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