watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
