I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
