went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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