i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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