Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
