I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
