she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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