Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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