I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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