i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
