No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
