Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
