She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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