i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
