I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it was like having sex with a tree stump
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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