I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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