you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
