So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
