no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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