Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
