Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Me too!
Screwed.edu
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
