Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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