drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i now understand why vodka
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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