The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
