If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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