You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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