I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
