I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
