I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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