Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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