the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
