Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
