She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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