I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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