I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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