I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
