OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just found puke in my bra..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
