Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
