Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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