his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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