i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
